The Myth of Love in Marriage

Thank you for choosing to read this article. It is people like you who encourage me to continue writing. I am aware of the fact that I could not be a writer if no one read what I write. I highly appreciate the time you take to read my posts on this blog.

This article is an extract from Chapter Four of my book, Why most Wives are Crazy and most Husbands are Stupid”, and it is primarily written for women.

Hi ladies! Here is one of the common mistakes that land most women into relationship problems. They think love is the most important thing in a marriage relationship and it is what causes people to get married. This erroneous thinking causes most of them to fall in love senselessly. Once they fall in love, they cannot tell the difference between light and darkness or the truth and a lie. Everything becomes bright and truth. They drive on the highway of love in a high speed, jumping all red lights, until they are at the altar to say I do.  It is only two or three years later, if that long, that they will wake up one morning and say, “I saw this and that, but it was alright because I thought he loved me.”

Ladies, here is the truth you need to know. No one desires to get married because of love. We desire to get married because we have needs and we choose who to meet those needs because of love. Therefore, love is not the reason behind the desire to get married; it is the reason behind the choice of who to marry. (Please read through this paragraph until you get what it means)

Here is gossip that you should not tell your husband if you are married: Most men do not even fall in love in the first place. They just see the opportunity presented to them and pick it up, to try and see if it would work. Yes, it is true! Most men find themselves dragged to the altar and say I do without falling in love.

If you are doubting what I have just said, ask yourself why men can date more than one woman at the same time and get confused about who to marry. Usually, it is the aggressive woman who takes them to the altar.

Wake up ladies! If you are married, know that your husband did not marry you because he was passionate about loving you. He married you because he wanted someone to meet his needs and he chose you to come and meet those needs because of love. If you are not married, you got the answer to why some man will marry you one day.

There are many needs that men have that they desire their wives to meet, but the greatest need of every husband is to be respected and honored by his wife. A man may compromise and put up with a lot of his wife’s weaknesses, but it is hard for a normal man to put up with dis-respectfulness and dishonor from his wife.

I usually tell most wives that if they fail on the issues of respect and honor, they have failed regarding the most important things the husband expects and looks forward to in the relationship. Most women do not understand the importance that men attach to respect and honor. I have heard most of them say; “I give him sex, I cook for him and do many other things. Why can’t he just understand that I am a strong-willed woman and live with it? 

Stop being crazy and come to your senses. Realize that sex and food are not rare commodities for the husband to find as it is for him to find a respectful and submissive wife.  Take me seriously and do not think I am being hash. By the way, life in general is hash and sometimes painful. Those who succeed know this. As a result, they face and confront hash circumstances on the way to success without looking for life anesthesiologists.  And I am not a relationship anesthesiologist. I am a relationship midwife. I enjoy hearing people scream ‘at each other and sometimes at me’, but in the end, rejoice with them when they give birth to healthy marriage relationships.

Yes ladies! If you will have a successful marriage, your major contribution to its success is to become a submissive and respective wife who honors her husband. The unfortunate thing is that submission and respect, which husbands greatly desire from their wives, do not come naturally to women. It is not in the nature of women to submit. This simply means any wife who wants to submit and respect her husband should make a conscious decision to do so. She has to make an intentional effort to subdue the disrespectful and controlling nature the runs in the female’s ‘veins’.

Have you ever asked yourself why God gave wives the command to submit to their husbands and did not give that same command to husbands? The reason is simple. Husbands have no problem of submitting to their wives. Therefore, there is no need to give them the command to submit. On the other hand, wives have a problem of submission. That is why God gave them the command to submit.

The fact that submission is not in the nature of women is not an excuse for wives to be disrespectful and insubordinate to their husbands. They have to realize and understand that most negative and destructive behaviors come naturally, while most positive and productive characteristics and behaviors have to be cultivated and developed.

For example, laziness is a natural trait in all humans and any person can have it and live by it. It is natural and easy to be lazy. Unfortunately, those who yield to it fail in most areas of their life. On the other hand, diligent and hardworking are not natural to humans. They are cultivated and developed by those who choose to overcome the natural tendencies of laziness and mediocrity.

Cultivating unnatural behaviors and developing productive traits and disciplines is not easy. It requires much resistance to the inherent human nature of indiscipline, laziness and unproductive habits. However, it is the dividing line between the successful and the poor, in all areas of life; areas such as academics, business, and financial, etc.

This same principle applies in marriage relationships. The difference between those who fail and succeed in marriage is their ability or inability to cultivate and develop unnatural and positive characteristics that are essential for building healthy marriage relationships. Submission and respect are some of the crucial positive characteristics, required to build healthy marriage relationships, especially on the side of wives.

 Why most Wives are Crazy and most Husbands are Stupid “, is available on Amazon.  Click here to buy:

11 thoughts on “The Myth of Love in Marriage”

  1. This is a true reflection of most of us women. The mindset shift is really important and focus. I will continue to read since the subject is in the center of my heart. This is inspirational.

  2. Thanx Pastor for enlightenment in the issues of submission and respect…i hope your contribution in building us ladies to become better partners shall bear good fruits…may God bless you with more wisdom…

  3. I must get this book as soon as possible, I just can’t wait to read it. WOW I love it already, thank you Bishop for such a book.

  4. As a young person I am truly grateful to know this truth because many people in their later stages of life and relationships wish they had been enlightened much earlier.

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